By Gordon & Susan Taylor © TMT March 1996

A happy family is organized and unified. Parents and children treat one another with respect. Each member knows his role and meets his responsibility. Such families are cooperative, efficient, and pleasant. An atmosphere of friendliness, kindness and love exist.

Loving families do not just happen. They are constructed, like any work of art. And matter the condition of your family right now you, as parents or children, can improve the relationships, generate better feelings, and make your family more caring and efficient.

Improving family life can be a challenging and continuing process. One relatively simple step in the improvement process is to set up a Family Council. In this article we shall try to explain how a Family Council operates and how you can start and run one in your own family. More information is available in the book - "The Salvation of the Family - Councils".

WHAT IS A FAMILY COUNCIL?

The Family Council is a regularly scheduled meeting of all members of the family. Its purpose is to take up the business of the family, such as: mission of the family, roles of family members, calendaring, exchanging information, making plans, establishing rules, expressing complaints/concerns, settling issues, and making decisions. It is an open forum in which everyone in the family can express his ideas and opinions without any interruption.

Because it is a regularly scheduled meeting, those in the family who have problems and complaints learn that they can wait for the meeting and speak their minds. This reduces quarreling and arguing during the week. Thus, most family problems can be handled in a spirit of love in a calm and reasonable manner. Confrontation is reduced and nearly avoided.

HOW TO BEGIN A FAMILY COUNCIL

Listed below are some general suggestions that may be helpful.

1. Both parents and single parents should read this material. If possible, read some of the listed references. Discuss it until the theory and practice of the Family Council are understood.
2. After the parent(s) have agreed to have a Family Council, the idea should be discussed with other members of the family.
3. The parents ask the children to support the council concept. They decide on a meeting time. Any day could be used. It could be a part of a Family Home Evening, but the attention span of small children or the amount of subject matter might dictate another day and time. Once a mutually convenient time is agreed upon, the Family Council comes into being.
4. Often, after the announcement is made, children want to start immediately. However, it is usually better for a few days to elapse between the introduction of the idea and the first meeting. But, when to begin depends on the family agreement.

THE FIRST MEETING

The first meeting is crucial for the success of the Family Council. It establishes the mood for future sessions. Below are some suggestions for the first meeting. All topics do not need to be discussed at the first meeting. The meeting should not last longer than 20 minutes for small children or an hour for teenagers.)

1. The parents should be at the agreed place, start on time, and be ready to go.
2. The father/single parent presides and conducts at the meeting, but all family members should be treated as equals. (The parents need not conduct the councils when the children learn how but a parent will always preside.)
3. The first order of business is to discuss organization of the council. Positions that may be considered include secretary, family recreation leader, family service director, family historian, etc. Each member has a designated role based on ability and interest. Training in duties may be needed. Positions can and should be rotated for experience and growth.
4. While the father/single parent presides, different members of the family may be asked to conduct the council. (See Family Council Agenda.)
5. Discuss various organization and procedural matters such as:
   1. Where and when to meet.
   2. Who will conduct next time?
   3. Job description of each position
   4. Rules of the Family Council

Every family will establish its own rules for the operation of the Family Council. In some families there will be very detailed directives; in other families there will be practically none. Below are some rules that may be desirable.

1. When a person has the floor he cannot be interrupted. No family member can complain about a person's behavior or ideas while he has the floor.
2. All members of the family should be strongly encouraged to attend. However, decisions can be made without a member. All family members need to realize that they abide by family council decisions, even if they chose not to attend.
3. All decisions can be changed at any other meeting if discussed and agreed upon.
4. Emergency Family Council meetings or cancellation of meetings require agreement of family members.
5. When no unanimous decision can be reached on issues, voting to sustain the decision should take place only if everyone sincerely agrees in advance to abide by the decision.
6. Some decisions may have to be tabled until a meeting of the executive council Father, Mother, and God.

SOME QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I HAVE NO HUSBAND/WIFE. IS THE FAMILY COUNCIL A GOOD IDEA? Yes, a family with one parent needs a Family Council even more than a two-parent family.

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO BE IN THE FAMILY AND HOW OLD DO THE CHILDREN HAVE TO BE? Even a two-person family can benefit; any child who can talk can participate. But, have the other children playing in the room if possible.

DOES THE FAMILY COUNCIL HAVE TO BE SO FORMAL WITH ALL SORTS OF RULES? No. Each family decides the degree of formality it desires. In some families, a secretary is elected who keeps minutes. Minutes are valuable in reliving the family experiences and decisions.

CAN ANYONE COMPLAIN AT A FAMILY COUNCIL? Yes. Parents should learn to keep their complaints/concerns for the Family Council and encourage the children to do likewise. Try to keep the meeting upbeat as a positive Family Council will have a positive affect on the family for the rest of the week.

WHAT IS THE FAMILY COUNCIL FOR BESIDES SETTLING COMPLAINTS? The Family Council is for all family business: outlining goals, establishing family rules and roles, making plans, discussing vacations, planning parties and picnics, negotiating allowances, planning for guests, discussing chores, calendaring for the week, discussing finances, etc. Parents will try to reserve all decisions for the Family Council so everyone's opinions can be heard and decisions made with the entire family in attendance. Most decisions are not so urgent that they cannot wait for the next meeting. Sub committees may do detail planning to minimize discussion during Family Council if subject is non-controversial.

HOW LONG SHOULD MEETINGS LAST? This varies with the family, the ages of the children, the amount of business at hand and other factors. In some cases, meetings have a set time for ending. In other cases, the meetings continue until all business has been settled, but usually no longer than one hour. (Sometimes it turns into a fun rap session with teenagers.) Twenty minutes is good from families with small children.

WHAT ARE SOME COMMON MISTAKES IN RUNNING A FAMILY COUNCIL?

1. Not starting/stopping on time
2. Canceling meetings
3. Meeting at meal time
4. Parental domination
5. Getting discouraged
6. Not following through on agreements
7. Not respecting the right of free expression of all family members regardless of age

IS FAMILY COUNCIL A CURE©ALL FOR ALL FAMILIES? No. However, used properly with full understanding of the philosophy and theory of Godly Councils, the Family Council can be a great help in establishing better relationships and in having a more pleasant and orderly family. It helps develop a home of peace and refuge and a house of God.

WHAT IS THE PHILOSOPHY OF THE FAMILY COUNCIL? The family is the incubator of attitudes, feelings, sentiments, habits, and behavior. If the family operates in an efficient, friendly, sensible and respectful manner, the children will learn to behave the same way. They will be on their way to being responsible and resourceful people. We are convinced that inherent in all children is the potentiality of these qualities. Used properly, the Family Council can produce independent, spiritual men and women like their Father in Heaven. God governs by councils; (Job & Revelation) we can do no better!