MAKING FAMILY COUNCILS WORK

The secret to making the Family Council work is to begin and have them regularly. Begin while the family is young, if possible, use agendas and involve all family members.

WHEN TO START

Start with the Executive Council, husband, wife and God, at the beginning of marriage. Family challenges are of less concern if pondered or planned for in earlier executive sessions. Items for discussion in early executive council could include major items like: the number of children, family goals, individual goals, approaches to discipline, planning and preparing financial support, budgeting, and approach to teaching spiritual principles. Both partners have different experiences in each of these areas and now the challenge is to unify thoughts and actions.

We recommend that Family Councils with children begin when the children reach the age where they are responsible for picking up toys and helping to sustain themselves--two or three years of age. We began when our oldest was five. (We could have begun earlier when the oldest was two or three.) We find getting young children to participate in discussions of one or two issues is about all that can be expected. However, encourage them to remain in the room with you until council is over. You may want to provide a quiet game or toy.

As the family grows, so will the length of the meeting. With a family of teens and everybody sharing, it may take an hour. (Note: We do not recommend going over an hour. If council starts going more than an hour, consider holding separate committee meetings to formalize plans/ideas for council presentation and shorten the discussion time in family council.)

BEGINNING

Let's outline some environmental issues then discuss the mechanics of the Family Council. First the environmental issues.

• Open Communication: The communication atmosphere is key to the success of Family Councils. All comments and questions are important. Do not drop any comment each has merit. Do not criticize any comment.



• Setting: The council may be held at any place in the home where the family can sit together in a circle. It could well be the kitchen or dining room table or the living room. This is a celestial council so the setting should be the same.



• When: Family Council should be held when the family can be together. We have found that Sunday either AM or PM is the best for us depending on Church meetings. We have held them on Saturday and on rare occasions during the week. They can be held in connection with Family Home evening but we do not recommend it. Combining these two meetings can delude the elements and purposes of both meetings.



• How Long: Family Councils may vary in length. When children are small twenty minutes in length should be the maximum. As the Children get older the time will naturally extend. We recommend that they be limited to one hour. But a great rap session or planning session can be extended.

HOW TO BEGIN A FAMILY COUNCIL

Listed below are some general suggestions for mechanics that may be helpful.

1. Both parents should read this material. If possible, read some of the listed references also. Discuss the Family Council concept until the theory and practice are understood and an approach for your family is designed. (You do not have to have perfect meetings each time.)
2. After the parent(s) have agreed on a Family Council format for their unit, the idea should be discussed with other members of the family.
3. The parents now ask the children to support the council concept. Then decide on a meeting time. Any day could be used. It could be a part of a Family Home Evening but the attention span of small children or the amount of subject matter generally dictate another day and time. Once a mutually convenient time is agreed upon, the Family Council begins.
4. Often, after the announcement is made, children want to start immediately. However, it is usually better for a few days to elapse between the introduction of the idea and the first meeting to think about ideas and items for the council.

THE FIRST MEETING

The first meeting is crucial for the success of the Family Council. It establishes the mood for future sessions. Below are some suggestions for the first meeting.

1. The parents should be at the agreed place, start on time, and be ready to go.
2. The father/single parent presides at the meeting, but all family members should be treated as equals.
3. The first order of business is to discuss organization of the council. Note: Father and Mother could consider positions ahead of the meetings and callings could be extended so only sustaining is required in council.) Positions that may be considered include secretary, family recreation leader, family service director, family historian, etc. Each member has a designated role based on ability and interest. Training in duties may be needed. Note: Training can be provided at another time. Positions can and should be rotated for experience and growth. (With small children you can for-go this as item but as soon as possible give them assignments.)
4. While the father/single parent presides, different members of the family may be asked to conduct the council using the agenda.
5. Discuss various organization and procedural matters such as:
   1. Where and when to meet.
   2. Who will conduct the next meeting.
   3. Positions and job descriptions.
   4. Rules of the Family Council.

WHAT DAY IS BEST?

It really does not matter when you meet. The important point is to ESTABLISH A REGULAR TIME so all family members can plan to be there. We recommend weekly councils. Our experience has shown that going a month without Family Council is disastrous. Contention, discouragement, confusion, back-biting and fighting will replace the peaceful atmosphere of an organized home.

In 1980, we returned from Europe and spent a month visiting family in Utah. After we had been visiting for two weeks the family operations were felling a part. We all realized it. Susan suggested we get the group together for a brief council. We went into a bedroom and meet as a family. We organized and discussed our activities and prayed. We were back on track.

"Family councils should be held often enough to meet the needs of the individual family, but not so often they become meaningless." Note: We have not found weekly meeting meaningless with a large family.

Some have suggested that Family Council could be held either before or after family home evening. This certainly is possible for newly married couples and grandparents but our family prefers a separate meeting when we can focus on the government, operation and mission of the family and its members.

RULES FOR FAMILY COUNCIL

Every family will establish its own rules for the operation of the Family Council its self. In some families there will be very detailed directives; in other families there will be practically none. Below are some rules that may be desirable.

1. When a person has the floor he cannot be interrupted. No family member can complain about a person's behavior or ideas while he has the floor.
2. All members of the family should be strongly encouraged to attend. However, decisions can be made without a member. All family members need to realize that they abide by family council decisions, even if they chose not to attend. (We have found the children enjoy attending and only miss on rare occasions.)
3. All decisions can be changed at any other council meeting if discussed and agreed upon by the family members.
4. Emergency Family Council meetings or cancellation of meetings require agreement of family members.
5. Only make decisions after hearing discussion by all family members on the matter. Consciences should take place to sustain the position on the issues.
6. Some decisions may have to be tabled until a meeting of the executive council--Father, Mother, and God.
7. Write down the Rules of Family Council for future reference as necessary.

COUNCIL ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE- THEOCRACY

To have a Family Council work it needs structure. Remember to be really effective is must be a council "Under God". "Ideally, the father should preside but in a home without a father the mother presides. If necessary parents could assign one of the children to record the matters discussed, the decisions reached, and any assignments made. The meeting should be opened and closed with prayer." We recommend at least an executive secretary be "called" immediately following the pattern of the Church.

From the begin of our family councils, we have recorded brief minutes of the meetings. (Some materials for this website are drawn from those minutes.) Our Minutes are maintained in a three ring binder. We found that the minutes were more useful if maintained by an adult so my wife kept them most of the time.

Over the years we have developed a number of standard agendas. (See agenda) The standard agenda makes it easy to establish order in the meeting and to keep the minutes. The minutes provide the foundation for the family council with accountability. They provide invaluable insights into the management and perfecting of the family members in several ways:

1. Recognition of good works: The significant achievements of family members at school, Church and work are followed in the minutes. The reporting on the success or failures of a week past can have profound impact on the family - young and old.

For example, The minutes reported when Kurtis was in primary that he was ask to give a talk in Church as part of the primary sacrament meeting. We reported that Kurtis gave the talk the week it was given. The fact that Kurtis had given a talk was read in the minutes the next week. Kurtis gets to experience his positive feeling all over again. No one says a thing but good works are reinforced!

2. Family management: The track of success and failures of ideas in family management are also recorded. Here are just a few examples that kept us growing.

The toothbrush chart: Dental Hygiene was a challenge when we had four under five years. A tooth brushing chart was proposed in FC. The chart was developed by mother. It had a place for a star for each day of brushing. A couple of days later it was noted that we had a problem. One person's chart was already filled in with all the stars for the month! We had to do some training and redo the chart.

Over the years we tried many things to teach personal responsibility for self and home etc.

The beans and jobs: For example, we tried to equate the children's small allowance and family chores. Each child was given a set of tasks and when a job was completed they were awarded a number of beans based on the quality of the work. We discussed the whole procedure and worked out the details in FC. Then we tried it. It didn't work! It consumed too much of Susan's time to administer and there were also questions on the definition of quality work. So we gave the children allowance and chores became a given shared responsibility.

Job descriptions: The challenge of quality cleaning of the house was and continues to be an issue in our home. One of the best solutions was an idea that came up in FC. Define what was to be done to make a clean room. The job description of a clean room was developed for two levels: a light cleaning and a once a week heavy cleaning. These job descriptions were pasted on the back of the door of each room. They worked very well. It was a checklist that any person could read and do. For those who could not read mother helped them understand the tasks.

Chore Chart: Over the years we have had many different methods of distributing household work. (Susan can define a few more.)

• Flower pot with jobs and drawing for order of choice
• Rotating Wheels with tasks and names
• Pocket charts with fudge sticks with task
• Dry marker charts with tasks and names
• Drawing jobs from fish bowl
• etc.

Each chart has had it place in time. Change has been good. Delegation of work and sustaining one another in maintaining the home will be the challenge of living.

Scripture reading: Scripture reading time came as a result of another problem - the ability to read. When Kristine started school she had trouble reading. The problem was discussed in FC and it was decided that the older members of the family would help her with reading. The first few weeks we tried doing this in the evening but reading time was not consistent nor were helpers always available. So when reviewing the issues in FC again we decided to combine family scripture study and Kristine's reading in the early AM. It has worked well. Sometimes we have had to get up at 5:30 AM. But generally between 6:00 to 6:30 AM you will find the Taylor's up reading. We have read all the standard works several times. The Book of Mormon more than the rest. We never had a problem reader again until the last child, Kurtis, but the solution was in place to help him. Reading out loud helps with pronunciation, comprehension, and confidence of the reader. (We always began or ended the Scripture reading kneeling in family prayer.)

Family prayers: Because of the constant reminder about temporal and spiritual welfare, we have been constantly reminded about lack of consistency in Family evening prayers. Family prayers in the evening and Saturday have always been a family challenge. Family prayer in the AM is not a problem because of the reading time. A number of solutions have been proposed and tried some with more success than other. Some solutions proposed and used over time include: Turning the chairs around at the table and kneeling before sitting, A large sign on the table, delegating a person to remind the family and setting a specific time. Once mother was assigned to make a flower pot for the table with paper flower that had the words Family Prayers on the petals. This worked very well for a period of time as we reminded each other about family prayer. Another approach was to give an assignment to a family member to remind us. This has worked the best depending on the diligence of the family member. The other challenge has been the many activities of family members in the evening and not being available. Eventually we decided to hold prayers with whoever was available.

We have some friends that hold evening prayer at a specific time in the evening with whoever is available at the time.

Individual prayers: We were having problems with individual morning prayers by some members. After some council Karla proposed that when we woke them up that we said, "Good Morning it's prayer time" - a gentle reminder. This has worked.

The impact of all the minutes is that family members have participated and reviewed their actions through the minutes rather than having direct discussion on an issue. They can also see actions yet to be taken. The minutes take the pressure off parent and child relationships but makes each responsible for their actions while working the problem and issues of family life.

Caution: Don't dwell on the failures in the minutes only as a basis for growth and then only on the event and not the person.

LEADERSHIP LABORATORY

The results to family organization are self-evident. They give family members insight into the operation of the family unit and valuable training in the closely supervised leadership laboratory setting. It prepares them to manage their own life and future family in almost any situation. The Family Council can be one of the best leadership laboratories for family members. It teaches among other things:

• How to conduct group meetings
• Organization skills
• Respect for authority
• Group dynamic and tasking
• Project development and management
• Planning and execution
• Financial responsibility
• Leadership and council management skills
• Duties and responsibilities

Children learn from Family Council how to work in the councils of the Church as well.

Organization skills

Our oldest daughter called from college two weeks after starting school and asked us to send her the FC agenda. She said: "The dorm needs to get organized." Armed with the agenda she put the apartment of girls in order for the rest of the year!

Leadership and council management skills

The children have had many opportunities to share their experience in conducting meeting and working agendas with youth groups and Bishop's youth councils. More than once youth leader have commented on the support and joy it was to work with the children in the councils of the Church.

The children have commented also on the lack of knowledge of some of their leaders in council principles. We have encouraged them to lead by example and it has worked. Showing the leaders, for example, how to build an agenda and run Bishop's youth council from it.

The children has always become the leaders in their schools, Captains for various sports teams, class and school officers.

While Kurtis was not an exceptional football player, the Coach at the close of the year spoke of having this "Mormon boy" on the team and what he, the coach, had been taught about the game of football and life from him.

The older children are now using their council skills on church mission, in their own homes and in the regular councils of the Church.

Respect for authority

Since each child has the opportunity to assume various roles in the council, they learn to respect and support individual in various positions. They quickly learn that they will soon have the same responsibility and need the support of family members. Even the youngest family members, making prayer assignments, learn quickly the value of respect for authority in a position of responsibility.

Group dynamic and tasking

We have a large family, so the council was an excellent place to deal with interpersonal relations. To provide team projects, with special tasking. The annual Christmas caroling party is such an event where the skill of all are used from the cooking of potato donuts to preparing of other goodies and inviting the guest to join us.

Project development and management

The Garden has always been an excellent project that was developed and managed by one of the family members each year. Counseling about what to plant, then tasking and managing the planting, caring and harvesting of the crops.

Planning and execution

The most extensive plan executed by our young family was the three week trip through Europe on the train. The oldest of seven children was 12 years old and the youngest was less than a year. We developed and tested the plan for six months in family council and then executed. The plan worked with a few minor challenges - Susan got mastisus in Rome and missed the Sistine Chapel tour, we lost Karla at supper time in St Peter's Square in Venice, Italy and Kent missed a turn as we came out or the Notre Dame Chapel in France. Note: this trip is a story of it own.

Financial responsibility

As I retired from the military, we took the occasion to discuss the impact the reduced income would have on the family and discussed how all members could help adjust to the change in financial resources.