Family Council Agenda Explanation

General
The Family Council differs from all other management styles in that it is a meeting where God's Spirit is invited to be with the members of the group. The family council considers issues of temporal and eternal consequences. This explanation includes examples from our life to simulate your thinking.

AGENDA CONTENT

Note: It may be helpful to refer to the sample agenda during this discussion Family Council agenda.

Welcome

• By the presiding officer or the executive secretary.

Prayer

• Prayer can be at the request of the presiding officer or the executive secretary.

Note:We have found a chart with a large family works well. When there are two of you the task is much easier.

Minutes of last meeting

• Minutes are read by the secretary.

Note: We found in the interest of time the secretary summarized the minutes with emphasis on completed and open agenda items.

Calendar

• The calendaring is reviewed at several levels, weekly, monthly and annually.

Note: This is only one element of the meeting keep it short.

Weekly

We always review the weekly calendar. I had been interested with a large family to see the number of times we have been over booked with the interests of church, school and sports etc. Many times we have return to the interest group to point out problems with program scheduling.

We scheduling conflicts arise we try to resolve them on the spot. Sometimes we had to call those in charge to point out the conflicts. If there were things that the parents could not attend when the children were older we sent a representative like sporting events.

Monthly

At least once a month we look ahead two or three months to see if the plan is still in place. Once a month, usually the end of the month, we review the next month events.

Annually

• The calendar for the year will naturally fall out of your Mid-term planning goals if you have charted them. We still recommend you have a calendaring session as part of a Family Council during the beginning of each year. Use school and church calendars if they are available. Layout the plans for big events and known family events like vacations, School calendars/events, and Church events i.e. Scout camp, youth conference etc.

We recommend that you buy a calendar with space to write on each day of the week and post it where all the family can see and use it. Our current one is a plastic dry marker type that is on the refrigerator. We have used various paper types over the years. You may also use a computer-generated calendar.

We also encouraged the children to have their own personal calendar. (A calendar is great stocking stuffers.) Susan and I use time management systems. There are several on the market. We have found the children can manage their own calendar by age 12 to 14 depending on their personality. They need to be responsible for their own time by 16 years.

Caution: Calendaring is not the main function of Family Councils so be sure to balance the meeting. The calendar should take less than 1/3 of the time.

Family Home Evening assignments

• Family Home Evening assignments are also made at the Family Council. This allows time for family members to prepare. The Executive Secretary can make these assignments with guidance from father and mother. A chart may be useful for large families.

We have generally worked on a rotating method as the children became old enough to give the lessons. Some lesson are pre-arranged but we generally ask the family members to share material that they feel the family needed. We have used Church provided FHE materials plus Church magazines for lesson topics-particularly the General Conference talks.
Note: There are wonderful materials available to support family home evening activities through church periodicals and church distribution. Book stores are also a great resource.

Temporal/Physical and Spiritual Welfare

• The Family Council is the place to discuss and work on the challenges of the physical welfare of each family member. This includes physical growth, health, education/training and safety of each member. This also includes financial and housing considerations.
• Another important function of the Family Council is the support of the spiritual side of each family member. In the council spiritual activities of the family can be reviewed and evaluated. Such things as family prayer time, when to read scriptures, testimony, discussion of church lessons and support of family members in their Church callings.

We discovered a number of years ago the Church Welfare manual "Providing in the Lord way" (ref) covered every phase of family temporal and spiritual welfare. We have used for years the six topics of the welfare model (Pix). These are:

1. Literacy/Education
2. Career Development
3. Finance and Resource Management
4. Home Production and Storage
5. Physical Health
6. Spiritual and Emotional strength

The LDS Church www.providentliving.org website now contain general information in these same topic areas.

Let us share ideas and example covered under each topic.
Tip: Each area need not be discussed in depth each week but all are covered over the course of a month. Having the topics on the agenda however serves as a good reminder.

We find our family discussing one or two of the areas in depth: a food storage survey, budget report, school grades or project, future education and careers each week.

Literacy and Education.

• Discuss education for both children and parents. Any challenges the children are having in school that the family can help with are discussed. One of our great examples is reading.

We solved Kristine's early problem in reading using a Family Council solution - early morning scripture reading. When Kurtis (K8) had a similar challenge we already had a tested solution.

We review school schedules for tests and special projects to see that proper time and support are provide. We have established a family rule on no TV during test week.

We also discussed and supported upgrade training and education for dad and mother. Continued schooling and job training is just part of the plan.

The intent is to have family members help and support each other. If one is having a challenge, we all need to help even if it's just in our prayers.

Career Development:

• Includes discussion of all job transfers and job changes. We also discuss the careers/part and full time jobs of the children. These events are very stressful on a family. Talking about career changes and moves help to clarify thinking and make it easier for the family to provide needed support and to be supporting.

We were an Air Force family so transfers and job changes have been a way of life. But talking about a pending promotion and soliciting family members prayer has been of value. Likewise, when transfers were pending, open discussion of where we were moving to and when made it easier on all family members. Things like what we wanted in a new house and things to look for in a new school and planned visits to the new Church (stake/ward) were all discussed.

• Jobs for the children have been a continuing subject.

When Kent (age 14) and Karl (age 12) wanted some additional spending money, we were living in Waynesboro, PA. So after a family council discussion, we arrange to get a newspaper route after school and they really enjoyed it. As a result, when we moved to Denver, Colorado, Karl liked the spending money and wanted a newspaper route again. We discussed it in FC and work out a schedule so he and mother could work an early morning route. (He put several thousand dollars in saving. He had to give it up the paper route when he had to start early morning seminary.) He used the money for marriage expenses.

Summer jobs are a problem to find for youth under sixteen. It is sometimes a challenge to find good summer employment for college students. By having the item on the agenda, we can work the problem early. One year, Kent painted the house, another year he help a neighbor with landscaping and thus was able to continue a heavy summer baseball schedule. The other children have found jobs in fast food and working government summer hire programs.

• Supporting children as they search for jobs after finishing their education is also important. This takes the form of discussion, council and prayer.

Financial and Resource Management:

• This covers the planning and expenditure of family funds plus the care of resources that the family has already. The care for our things, the car, house, clothes, etc. so they are not abused or broken.

We have worked on the family budget with each move and or promotion/job change at the executive council level. We have then discussed the budget at FC to share realities and get family support. We generally review the family budget once a month and discuss any issues of impact. (Budgeting suggestions that have worked for us.)

To help the children understand the impact of budgeting and resource management, we have called each to be financial helper when they were in their junior or senior year of high school. They work with the tracking and reporting of funds. It had worked very well in preparing college students and missionaries.

• Resource and property maintenance and management can begin with small children learning to care for their things and respecting others as well.

We have had the children help repair and fix their toys and household items. This helps teach stewardship of that which we have.

Home Production and Storage:

• The garden, canning and food storage are topic here. Even small child can have fun with these topics.

We have children help the family decided what to plant in the garden and then manage weeding, watering and harvesting and when it comes canning. The events are put on the calendar for family involvement.

The children have also help in periodic inventories of stored items - food and other items. Reassessments of family food needs changes with the maturity and departure of the children.

Physical Health.

• Includes exercise and health issues to include support for extended family members.

• We have supported each other in exercise programs for body conditioning for athletics and maintaining the body. We have also rallied in time of crises to support family members.

For example: I broke by large leg bone just above the knee and was laid up for a month and then required someone to drive me to work and physical therapy. We discuss and developed a plan of action with the family support for nearly a two month period.

Kent's age 17 broke his jaw playing basketball and had to have it wired shut. We searched and found some high protein powered food that he could suck through a straw five times a day. This included getting the drink to school. We worked it as a family and he only lost 15 pounds.

Grandma Ryser has been in our home while recuperating from two of her three hip replacements. Each time it has required family planning to alter our daily lives to meet the need.

Grandpa Ryser lived with us for three months prior to his dead. We feed and cared for his needs and enjoyed his company. The children enjoyed the experience as Grandpa was very alert and enjoyed us singing "Come Come ye Saints" for most every family home evening.

Spiritual and Emotion Strength.

• Support the spiritual side of the personality through prayer and scripture reading and handling stress of every day life. Supporting and sustaining one another in Church callings is also covered here.

We discuss how we are doing in our individual reading and prayers. When required we turn the wheel to get back on track.

When a parent or child have received a major church calling, we have discussed the assignment and time commitment and impact on the family. Then we ask for a sustaining vote. We try to remember each other in our prayers as we function in the various calling.

I was called as a member of the Kaiserlautern, Germany Servicemen Stake Presidency. I was not there to be sustain or set apart so Elder Theordor Burton ask that the family come to Frankfurt Germany for me to be set apart. On that occasion he visited with the young family of seven at the time and ask for their sustaining vote. All raised their hands and continued that support in prayers and deeds as he requested for the duration of the call.

• The individual Priesthood interview plus councils, established family worship help develop spiritual self-reliance in the children. (Mother Comment)

The Goal here is to develop and maintain individual self-reliance in temporal/physical and Spiritual matters.

Recreation and Social.

• Family recreation activities planning can get the most from the limited recreation budget. This usually means going to children's games and special school events. Planning special birthday outings and major vacations are topics of discussion.

By planning special event over a period of time we get more value out of them. A good example of this is the three-week train trip/vacation we planned through Europe in 1980. We had seven children ages 12 years to 6 months. We began the planning in FC six months before the event. Members of the family that were old enough were given assignments to help plan the event. We looked at routes and costs. We decided which cities we would visit. Reports were given on the various cities their history and the sites that would be of interest. We decided that we could live out of nap sacks and one large suitcase. We tried out our idea with rocks and cans in the nap sacks that Susan had made out of old jeans with the legs cut off and straps added. It worked!

This trip was one of the great events of the family as we visited Sweden, Germany, Italy, Spain and France before returning to Germany.

One of the great ideas we learned planning this trip was that you can have committees working outside of the council and bring ideas and solutions to the FC for other to review, vote on and implement.

• We also try to plan a Significant Spiritual Event (SSE) as part of our vacation times together. These events need not be elaborate just meaningful. Here are the elements of the SSE:
• Sacrifice time and talents
• Go to a new environment
• Teach eternal truths
• Reflect
• Share feelings (testimony)

• Here are a few idea we have used very successfully:
• -Testimony meeting with the grandparents on a Picnic
• -Visit to Church historical sites and share family history
• -Testimony meeting at family reunions
• -Family talent show
• -"I am thankful for" at Thanksgiving gatherings

We have shared many eventful family gathering. One surprising event was staged by the Grandma and Grandpa Taylor during a July vacation of the family to Utah in xxxx. We lived in the Washington DC area are the time and planned a driving trip across America with eight children at the time. Since Grandma could not get all her children and grandchildren home for Christmas, She and Grandpa planned a surprise Christmas in July. Everyone got into the spirit of the occasion. The house was decorated by family members both inside and out. Scriptures were read and Santa came with presents and old Christmas traditions were renewed with the next generation.

Christian Service and spiritual growth of other.

• We have found that through service we ourselves are perfected. Each family member is encouraged to "Do A Good Turn" and to provide Christian service to friends and neighbors on a daily basis. This is reported in the minutes not to boost but to help establish the habit of service in living.

In recent years, we have used the Church fellowshipping program as a guide to identify and follow our action and spiritual growth of our friends. We used "My List of Friend" to track and schedule events with friends. The lists are great prompters.

Frankly, with our large family and busy schedules, if the missionary and service items were not scheduled we would not extend ourselves outward in friendship and service as we should. Using the FC we can "turn out" and invite friends to come and be part of our lives in Christ. We do not have time to plan a lot of special events for others. We can invite them to join us at a Church social or dance, a Church baseball or basketball activity and join the annual family caroling party. They might come to Church when we speak or sing or to an annual fall block party.

One example that has become a tradition is the caroling party that began in Germany in the village of Bann. The family with a few Church and military friends went singing Christmas carols through the narrow streets. It was wonderful to have the townsfolk roll up the Rollaudens (Exterior window blinds) and lean out the windows and join us in song. The group now numbers in the 50s each year as we carol in neighbor hoods and retirement facilities. Then return home to enjoy homemade donuts and treats of the season with friends.

Neighborhood fall social begun to get to know our new neighborhood has become an annual event that our friends look forward to also.

The LDS website www.mormon.org now contains some additional ideas to support this effort.

Extending Family Ties.

Under this agenda item we include maintaining connections with family members both living and dead. We discuss journals and write letters, family visits and reunions, genealogy research and temple attendance and writing family histories.

Because we have lived away from our family most all our lives maintain relationships with grandparents, cousins and brothers and sisters has been a priority. As the children have grown up and moved out of the home, maintaining the family relationship has also become a concern. When the children were small one was assigned to monitor the writing of letters and drawing of pictures for grandparents. As the children have grown other avenues have developed to include the weekly phone calls. The children on their own now maintain "The Taylor Tots" newsletter. The editor gets inputs and emails it out once a month.

• The development of identity with the past through family history and temple work has been real interesting. Here are some of the things we have done in the Family Council in these two areas.

We have been fortunate to have a number of family histories written. It has been wonderful to share the stories of these people. To take the children to Nauvoo and have them walk the Taylor property that was once part of the family. To sit in Hawaii and read of Lorenzo Taylor's mission experience on the very spot. We read of dedication and faith to living the commandments of God.

• We have encouraged the children to write of their feeling and experiences. Most have kept journals of their LDS Mission and may write of their daily lives following their mother's example.
• Family ties to Living.

Letters and Journals.

Letter writing to family members was one responsibility. Family members took turns in writing to grandparents when the children were young. When the children started going to college there were letters to the students. Then came missions and letters to missionaries our family and cousins.

We also planned and worked on special visits to family. This became an annual event. Our extended family have been wonderful in getting together when we were available to visit. Our parents have been a wonderful support in coming and letting us visit them as well.

Journals.

• We have encouraged the children to keep journals with some success.

Susan has done a great job with a volume for each year. Several of the children have picked up on the value of the journal. The Book of Mormon is a large family history written primarily as journal entries. The children at various times have had their own book to record journal entries. We have ask each to write at the time they were baptized for example and to record their feeling at other significant times in their lives. With the small children, we have helped them to write two or three lines a week as a start. This form of original thinking about life is very good for us all. It has proven therapeutic in the lives of several of the children. Journals provides perspective to look at our lives as we look at the words and say "is this really how it is?"

Family ties to Dead.

We discuss as part of this agenda item our visits to the temple and in some cases temple trips when we lived significant distances from a temple. Temple dedications have been special for the family. We have found it valuable to let the children know the temple was a special and important place to visit in our lives and helped to prepare them to go also. As youth, they were encourage to participate in regular trips to do baptism for the dead for the last ten year just about four times a year.

Additionally, a member of the family has been "called" to help work on genealogy for many years. Over the years we have extended the family lines back many generations. As the children have become older they have helped input data to the Personal Ancestral File program. This was a major challenge as we had collected six inches of family group sheets. The value of the genealogy research is that the techniques of genealogy research can be used in any field. The research, documenting and posting of findings is invaluable.

As the children have become older they have participated in work in the temple for the dead including family lines. Even as college students they have found time to do baptisms and later endowments and family sealings.

Naturally temple marriages have resulted.

The LDS website www.familysearch.org contains some wonderful resources to support this effort including the free download of the Personal Ancestral file software.

Family Histories.

• Family histories are the result of journals and other facts and we have encourage the children to keep both a journal and important items that would be part of a history. We have taken pictures for this purpose and keep materials categorized by child for this purpose.

Individual Concerns.

• This agenda item provides the opportunity for each family member to raise concerns that need family action. These could be items to help an individual or deal with family relationships including communication, interaction, rules and policies.

One of first concerns addressed in the first family council was from Kathryn age 5. She was concerned about the younger children getting into her things. We discuss it and how we would feel it someone did that to our things. We decided that if we wanted something of another member of the family we must first ask. We also agreed that we needed to respect their answer.

NOTE: When the children were small we included this item right after the calendar while we still had their attention! If we did not get to other items that is fine because we covered the issues of importance to the children.

Remember: no issue is too small and no one should be cut off or idea "put down". A major purpose of the council is for free and open discussion by all members. But avoid letting the Council become a gripe session. Items brought up should be considered and resolutions worked (if possible). The Council should always end on a positive note of commitment by all to corporation completion of assignments, tasks and responsibilities.

Conclusion

Our Councils are always concluded with kneeling family prayer. We ask the Lord to confirm our decision and bless the family members.

Common Mistakes to avoid:

• Becoming authoritarian



• Its important to help member of the family understand the need for a course of action. Only if the action is necessary for the immediate safety of a family member should it be necessary to be directive in nature. Talk about the whys and the consequence of actions.



• Cutting off family members ideas during a discussion



• Be careful to allow a full hearing of an idea. Children will sometimes cut each other off. A gentle reminder may be required.



• Failure to following up on actions

The minutes should help a record of actions that need to be taken. Our early minutes of Family Council records that it took three weeks to get the first chore charts done. And it was finally complete by Susan's Sister Janice, who came to visit us to help with the four children under five! If the task needs to be done keep it on the agenda until it is completed.

YOU CAN DO IT

If we can do it so can you. Don't be overwhelmed by our experience. Make your Family Council fit your family. We have found the agenda can be modified to fit most any family situations. In fact, our Family Council is still evolving as the children grow and family needs change.

Just keep trying. Begin with the end in mind and do not give up. The objective is: Self- reliant sons and daughters of God. Any success we have had in raising our children has been from what we have learned together following the heavenly pattern - Family Councils.